Coming into your adulthood you realize that most of the lessons you were taught as a kid were good. However, when you come to the harsh reality that your parents screwed you in some areas, it hurts to say the least. I am realizing that I struggle so much with saying NO even when I desperately want to. In too many situations I have been cornered into saying yes and without hesitation I did. But my mind was literally screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!”
Are you a YES (wo)man? When did you realize it?
That time your mother asked you for the millionth time to give her your lunch money when you knew it was for lotto tickets? Or the time your boss adamantly pleaded with you to come with them to happy hour? Or how about the one time your husband at the LAST minute told you to get the kids when you desperately needed those extra 10 minutes alone before everyone comes home? The list goes on I’m sure. So now that you’ve come to the realization that you are in fact a yes (wo)man, what the hell do you do to fix that?
Not to worry, I’ve come up with a few tips on how to say NO.
Now before you call me cray- hear me out. In order to be great at something, you practice right? Well it’s the same thing. Saying NO is difficult for most of us because as children our parents have taught us that saying no is bad. Here we are in our 30s with that same mental notion that NO = BAD. So, you have to literally unlearn this behavior. Come up with scenarios in your head and simply look in the mirror or at a photo of the person it pertains to and say NO. It sounds simple, so simple. However, if it were, why on earth would you be in the midst of a struggle here?
Don’t give a reason why you said no
I get it, sometimes it comes out unwillingly; however, if you give a reason – you offer the person you said no to an opportunity to come up with an alternative. Then you have to just put it plainly and say you just don’t want to (not that I would care personally) but depending on who you’re saying no to you may not want to offend them. So, refrain from saying “No, I have something planned at that time” because right after that here comes the “Oh ok well let’s do it tomorrow.” Now if it’s something you really want to do then hey! go for it, accept the alternate day! But if that was a bullshit lie and you just didn’t want to be bothered, and you’ll be at home on your couch watching TV then, NO don’t say that (no pun intended). Go with your gut and just flat out say no.
You can always say yes to something else
Now if your best friend wants to go to a party and you’re really just in the mood to Netflix and chill, say no but offer an alternative. If you say yes and you reeeaaallyyyyy don’t want to go, you won’t have a grand old’ time. You’ll probably yarn a few times and be a party pooper when you could’ve said no to the party but yes to a movie night. Say yes to the thing you want to do and no to the thing you don’t want to do. Make it make sense for you. Got it?
I hear you, it’s complicated. I know this to be true because I’ve been my mom’s yes child for over 30 years and I finally have put my foot down and set some boundaries. Was it easy? Heck no. Many times I have felt guilty and sad about it, but I had to come to the realization that I NEEDED to have boundaries, I NEEDED her to rely on her other kids and not just me.
Now if you have made it to the end here and you read this and you loved it, but you didn’t really want to, I thank you; but next time utilize the information above! LOL
Love and Light,
I think for me it’s so hard to say “No” without providing an explanation, it just feels unnatural. I agree that it does that practice. Thanks for the tips!
You’re welcome! I totally get how it could feel unnatural.
I used to be a yes person but, that had to do with me being a people pleaser. I no longer am a yes person. Getting older, I’ve learned to say no.
Good for you! 🙂
I just can’t say “no” without an explanation..it makes me feel guilty within..next time will remember your tips…
Yea, i feel you. It does feel weird. But sometimes it’s necessary.
Nice article, and good tips – I like the ‘it takes practice’ idea.
I remember hearing / reading somewhere that the assertive feeling often comes after the behaviour (saying ‘no’, or whatever) rather than before. I liked that, too.
Hmm, interesting idea. I like it!
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Thank you for reading!! 🙂
Yes, it is so difficult at times to just say ‘no’ as you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. But you have given great strategies to overcome this and do it gracefully. Thanks for sharing.
It took time and courage! Thanks for reading 🙂
I have such a hard time not explaining myself when saying no! It’s definitely something to work on
Girl, i hear you. It just feels uncomfortable. Practice makes perfect!
Love this post – I used to be such a Yes person but now I learnt to say No a lot more 🙂
That’s good! Thanks for reading 🙂