Welcome to the High Value Woman Playbook – the only playbook written by a millennial woman who’s been in the trenches, hustling and fighting for my life just like you.

This is for the career driven, money making, side-hustle having, self-care aesthetic, ever-evolving Queen. The woman who longs for a loving relationship and is constantly burdened with the question, what do you bring to the table? As if the swag, beauty, feminine energy, intellect, and confidence doesn’t speak for itself.

Granted, as a high value woman, you should know exactly what you bring to table, but maybe you have trouble verbalizing it or you simply don’t feel the need to explain it to anyone with half a brain.

However, if you’re lacking in any of those areas, you may not have reached your peak yet, and that’s okay. In this playbook, we’re going to uncover all of the things that will help you to reach your full potential.

What is a high value woman?

I automatically think of Michelle Obama when I think of someone with traits of a high value woman. She’s beautiful, intelligent, educated, feminine, confident, and seems to be an amazing wife and mother.

Her intellect shines through, having graduated from both Princeton and Yale and established herself as an attorney. And we must mention the fact that she is also married to a beautiful Black high value man… “pauses in awe* Barack Obama.

Now, I know what you might be thinking… shouldn’t a man or “the market” define what constitutes a high value woman? Perhaps. It could be a man, woman, or anyone else who crosses your path and assesses your value based on their own set of desirable criteria.   

high value woman

Candace Owens is another woman who I think of when I think of a high value woman. Say whatever you want about her politics but her position as a Black millennial woman in today’s media landscape is admirable. She is courageous, educated, intelligent, charismatic and is a beautiful wife and mother.

She has created her own lane in the media unapologetically advocating for positive change in Black America and strives to elevate the culture. It appears as though she is working to soften her image to connect more with Black America by showing up in Black spaces and lending her voice and honestly, I love to see it. 

Both women have a high level of desirability and embody the essence of a high value woman. These women independently secured the bag, aggressively pursued their passions and graciously prioritized their roles as wives and mothers

High value woman traits: 

There are so many other high value women I can think of and what they all have in common is their determination and commitment to inspire change and make an impact on the world. They don’t partake in gossip or drama. And they’re very sure of themselves, not waiting to be saved or desperate to be loved.

What do you bring to the table?

beautiful black millennial woman

God rest his soul, Uncle Kev did not come to play when it came to this question. And to my surprise, many of my sisters gave subpar answers. Not because what they brought to the table was subpar, but because they hadn’t been asked the question before and never really had to think about it.

While cooking and cleaning are great things to bring to the table, in 2024 unless you attract relationships that require nothing but your ethereal existence, (hats off to you if you do) you will need to explore other qualities that make you an amazing partner/friend. 

Remember, being a high value woman is recognized not only in romantic relationships but also in platonic connections, career endeavors, and business interactions. It’s also important to note, there’s no one size fits all to this; it’s a very nuanced journey tailored to your own strengths, values and aspirations. 

Okay, now that you have some perspective, it’s time to get into the blueprint. So, grab your water, some fruit, and a notepad and let’s get into it. 

The High Value Woman Blueprint

Be an independent woman with strong boundaries.

These are top tier traits of a high value woman. And I know the pick me women are gasping for air at the thought. Relax, sweetie. Being independent as a woman, especially a Black woman, is a huge blessing if you think about how far we’ve come as a gender and race.

Having independent thoughts, opinions and the courage to walk our own paths is empowering and admirable. Being independent also protects you from being used or taken advantage of in friendships, relationships and other interactions.

Setting strong boundaries and walking your own path will naturally align you with people and things that are in alignment with your destiny. 

Be useful.

a black woman at work
Photo by cottonbro studio

Having something to offer makes you useful, and a part of being a high value woman is by having high value skills or talents. These are things that can be used to contribute to society, a family, a community etc.

Beauty won’t last forever and external attributes will fade over time, but having useful skills will significantly enrich your life and those around you indefinitely. A high value woman also has access to additional resources because of her skills at building meaningful relationships.

Being useful or “used” can sometimes carry a negative connotation. But it’s not necessarily a bad thing especially when there’s a mutually beneficial exchange involved.

Live an abundant life filled with purpose.

I saw this quote on instagram, “Black woman, just in case you’re unclear. Money solves a LOT of problems. & you deserve to make it. A lot of it.” I couldn’t agree more. There’s some debate around this topic that I’m eager to address as it pertains to being a high value woman.

While making money won’t solve all of your problems, I’d bet one million dollars would make solving your other problems so much easier. Making money, having a job that you love, and aspiring to be rich/wealthy is not a negative thing. A high value woman goes after everything she wants and understands that with faith and consistently showing up for herself, her life is and will be infinitely abundant.

And maybe she doesn’t desire to be rich, maybe she just wants to make a living to help support her family or pour into her next business idea. Securing the bag is not a bad thing and is a top tier trait of a high value woman. Provided that it’s being secured in a respectful/ethical way.  

Exude confidence and invest in self-care.

There’s something so alluring about a woman with confidence. A high value woman knows who she is and what she wants. And even if she is still developing as a woman, she unabashedly floats through life seeking out the answers and guidance she needs to navigate her journey.

She is not afraid of failing and welcomes compliments with grace. Her confidence comes from her beauty and accomplishments. This woman invests in self-care and keeping herself up. She prioritizes rest, mental/physical health and maintains a “put together” presentation.

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Pursue your passions.

Whatever it is that you’re passionate about, dig into it and explore all the possibilities that could come of it. The high value woman wants nothing more than to bless her surroundings with her gifts and knowledge.

Whether it’s through creativity, innovation or advocacy, she creates a legacy of empowerment and inspiration for the next generations. 

Get an education. 

It goes without saying that an educated woman is extremely valuable. The more you know, the better equipped you are to make informed decisions and exercise wisdom in various aspects of life.

You’re a better teacher to the youth and your critical thinking skills will expand more than you can imagine. Being educated is not limited to just getting a college degree; it could be obtaining a professional license or certification or being self-taught on a subject that ignites your curiosity.

Know your worth and have the will to walk away.

Before taking note of the value society places on you, make sure you know your worth. Knowing your worth means knowing when to walk away or distance yourself from friendships and relationships that no longer serve you.

Understand that everyone is not going to be your cup of tea and it doesn’t mean you’re less valuable. Your self-esteem and self-respect are high enough to know when to set healthy boundaries and do what’s best for you.

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