This journey through dating has been interesting to say the least. I’ve been told that being single after 30 and without children makes me somewhat of a unicorn. And no… I’m absolutely not the type of unicorn who is ready and willing to act as an accessory to miserable relationships. – Just the type of individual that has made it through their 20s without having baggage the size of Texas. On the flip side, I’ve been told that something must be wrong… am I mentally stable? LOL, sure.

The Voyage

In part 1 of this series, I wrote about my ridiculous idea that I’d tell God when things were going to happen in my life even though I was living and acting on different desires. I thought at a certain age, things were just supposed to happen. Then, part 2 showed me that in order to attract a certain mate, I’d need to possess most of the qualities that I look for. Have you ever heard the saying, birds of a feather flock together? It’s true… we tend to attract what we are, so it makes sense to have and be everything that we’re looking for. Recently, I read a beautifully written book by author, J.L. Ford, that prompted me to write part 3. His book, What She Taught Me could possibly be the missing piece.

The Muse

“After all, her skin leaned to the darker chocolate, her youth was reminiscent of a blooming rose, she looked up to most in standing conversation, and perhaps most importantly, she was a woman”

Other than my connection with The Muse, I appreciated his breakdown of the other types of women he’d experienced. The Light, The Destroyer, The Distraction, The Logician, The Feminine, The Whole Woman, The Oracle, and The Healer. In describing each type of woman, he left the judgment part up to the reader. Even with the seemingly negative Destroyer and Distraction, the description was not a pessimistic depiction of the woman; just his experience with her.

For me, this meant self-reflection. I immediately saw myself in The Muse and gained a better understanding of how I may come off to the men whom I encounter.

Structures

The Author also pointed out that the structures in our lives basically define the boxes we place ourselves in. It brought me to think about the ways that I may be holding myself back based on the many structures I’ve built in my life. One of the structures he mentions is religion; a structure that can literally make or break any relationship depending on its strength. A structure that may be important to you, may not be as important to your mate. And that’s okay. Again, it brings us back to self-reflect and determine the importance of that structure in our lives. Is it worth your chance at building a relationship or not? In most cases my structures are non-negotiable, but I realize that comes with a huge sacrifice. Time. And reading this book has made me want to re-evaluate each of my structures to understand the significance they have in my life overall.

via GIPHY

Femininity

The most shocking part of What She Taught Me was the accurate dissection of the masculine and the feminine. It was put in words that I had not thought about; yet I understood completely.

“It is also important to note that the feminine can experience a slow death by tasks that are considered menial or are undervalued by society”

Femininity is something I didn’t really tap into until about 1 year ago. I was ruled by masculine energy before as a safeguard for my feelings and ultimately it held me back from making meaningful relationships with men. There was also this perception that being feminine was linked to being less important. Silly, I know.

Ford stresses the need to find a healthy balance of both, in relationships and independently. Having too much or not enough of one or the other can create a bit of an imbalance. He’s absolutely right.

Finding that balance can be tricky, but the easiest way to begin is just by being yourself…

Love

I’m mostly happy with how things have transpired thus far. I’ve been able to live a not-so-stressful life. Not many responsibilities outside of my bills and kitty cat Sebastian, who I love very much. That’s not to say that I don’t eventually want something different. It’s just a reminder of how lucky I am to have this present time.  My last boyfriend told me, “you move like a single woman”. That really stuck with me and made me wonder if my “need for freedom” is a non-negotiable structure I’ve placed in my life hindering me from having a lasting relationship.  Hmm… possibly, but with the right person, i doubt it.

“Love is liberation, and the challenge of loving is allowing the people whom you love to be who they are…”

Even though sometimes I look around and I notice all of my friends are now entering that next stage of life be it marriage or pregnancy, I feel relieved. I’ve been told that once those things happen, life is forever changed. And someday, as it’s written in my destiny I’ll be ready for that change.

As for right now, I’m just enjoying the ride.

8 COMMENTS

  1. I enjoyed reading this post. It has always been a skill of mine to not care about the opinions of others. People judging women by their age, marital status and if they have kids or not is simply not cool to me. Every stage of life has value in it and you having the knowledge to just enjoy the ride is key! Xo, Leslie @SobeSavvy

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