Unless you’re a Black woman living under a rock, you should have heard of the Godfather, Kevin Samuels by now. If not, he’s an image consultant who recently broke the internet after calling my good chocolate sis, “average at best “. A lot of women were outraged at his comments towards her, but many were also left intrigued and wanting to know more of his thoughts.

While his comments are often triggering to most, his logic makes perfect sense. I think that’s the reason people flock to him.

My sister and I agreed that he sounds a lot like our dad lol.


But a few weeks ago, my best friend called me, and we had a chit chat about a few of his videos. We began to dive deeper into this idea about having it all, a thriving career, marriage, and family. Kevin Samuels believes that Black women lower their chances of having a healthy marriage and a family when they become laser focused on their career and/or business and education. But, I have to question whether these 2 things are directly related.

I’m leaning towards no; they aren’t directly related. Because he also claims that other ethnic groups of women don’t seem to have this same problem. 🤔

So, what is it with Black women?

Can woman have it all?

Are we cursed? LOL, jkjk. But there has to be a reason why the more we become focused on our career, education, and growth within our Queendom, we are less likely to be married. Only 26% of Black women in the US are married.

Just speaking from my own experience,  I have to say that I definitely felt a God complex forming as my income and education level increased. And with that, I thought I would be more attractive to a man who could match or exceed my accomplishments.

I concluded from this observation that the lifestyle I’d created was not holding me back from “having it all”; it was the transformation of my attitude towards relationships with every new accomplishment that held me back. From that, I became so comfortable and content in my own company that having a relationship was an afterthought.

That was all cute until the pandemic hit, I crashed my car, got fourloughed from work, and broken up with all within 3 weeks. I knew something had to change.

 Here’s what I learned this year from Kevin Samuels…

Having it all isn’t going to just happen. We have to want it, work for it and be very intentional with all the things we want in life, including relationships. It’s important to treat the relationships we want with the same or more importance that we would a job interview or an exam.

The video below was very helpful to me and from the looks on the young lady’s face, it was a bit of a reality check for her. I’m curious to know your thoughts on having it all and if it’s truly attainable.

Can we have it all? Why or why not?  


  1. I honestly believe you can have it all. You just need to be strategic and decided the order of importance for each thing you want to accomplish.

    I examined someone who I felt like had it all and what I noticed is she had a plan for her life she has the husband, education, career and not to long ago had a baby. She moved very strategically and she was organized.

    So in a nutshell yes it is possible you just have to plan and prepare yourself for these things.

    • Good observation of your friend, she knew what she wanted, had a plan and prioritized accordingly. Amazing. Thanks for reading!

  2. I think us as Black women can and should have it all, but we make it so hard by wanting everything to be perfect. We strive for perfection from certain men because they need to match up to our expectations. That’s why I mostly focus on myself and ask why I don’t allow myself for error or room to grow because of the perfection. Is it really me or is it the world?

  3. This is a super cool post!
    Ive heard of Kevin Samuels and called the person who sent his viral link to me within minutes of watching lol.

    Now is what woman desire attainable? I’d say that it is, and that whats divinely ours will come to us only if we do the personal self work. That includes being real with ourselves (which can be challenging) and having a rigorous positive self talk routine.


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