Having an adult friendship is kind of a luxury believe it or not. Adulting is something I don’t think any of us could have really prepared for mentally.
Of course, you prepare by going to school to learn about all the things it takes to be an adult; like getting a job to earn money, pay bills, and eventually care after a family.
But nothing really prepares you for the daily pressure of making decisions that impact your life and those around you. It kinda leaves little time or energy to think about having or maintaining an adult friendship.
A friend asked me a few weeks ago if I was content with my current set of friends. I had to really think about what she was asking me but I realized the answer was yes.
It was actually yes and no. Yes, because I love my current set of friends and I plan to keep them around for a while. Also, no because there’s always room for more in my world. Don’t be a victim of the “no new friends” syndrome.
Many women have trouble with finding and connecting with new friends as an adult for a few reasons:
- You’re set in your ways and your needs in a friendship are very specific
- You’re busy at work and with your family and have little time to pursue friendships
- The awkward phase of getting to know someone new is not appealing to you
- The smallest things throw you off since you’re in the “protect your energy and peace” phase of life
Let me tell you, all of these reasons are valid af. As an adult, after you’ve gone through your self-discovery process, it’s extremely important to carefully choose your friend group.
Friendships in adulthood should be rooted in purpose. At this point you should be looking for your destiny partners-
Finding a soulmate isn’t limited to romantic relationships; friends can be soul mates too.
One thing to really consider when choosing friends is that you are a reflection of your friends. How your friends carry themselves somewhat speaks to the kind of person you are.
So when you think about leveling up your life, consider the people who you associate with.
5 types of adult friendships:
You may have met these friends in grade school, high school or college. You probably don’t speak regularly with them but you have a deep bond that will last a lifetime.
These types of friendships you should never take for granted; sure, your lifestyles may be drastically different and you probably don’t have a lot in common anymore.
But there’s something special about a friendship that can stand the test of time.
You may be wondering, why call them friends if you don’t speak or have a lot in common? I’ll tell you why.
Provided that no betrayal or major fallouts have occurred, these friends know you at your core and would uplift you in your darkest moments without question.
You know that you’ve found a lifelong friend when the bond just seems super organic and there’s no pressure to impress or pretend.
There’s this mutual understanding that supersedes the need of constant effort.
Ride or die friends
These are the friends that are down for the cause and will pull up without asking questions.
You’ll need this type of friend in your corner to validate you and show you unwavering support. “You’re on your own with this one”, is not a part of their vocabulary when it comes to you.
This is likely one of your closest friends or even your bestie. Finding this type of friend can be really hard, but when you find them, it’s such a good feeling.
The best way to find this type of friend is to start doing things you love to do alone! Going places and participating in activities by yourself leaves more room to meet others in the same space with shared interest.
You can also join different online communities or dating apps that offer a “friends” section.
After you’ve made a connection with someone, be sure that you’re brutally authentic and honest about who you are. Basically- show your crazy.
You know you’ve met your ride or die when y’all are able to get extremely vulnerable, show your ugly and crazy and still be totally geeked about each other.
You have the ability to express exactly how you feel, be open and honest and it only strengthens your relationship as opposed to pulling it apart.
Adult Friendship: Work friends
One of my personal favorite types of adult friendship are my work friends. I’m a nerd at heart so naturally I enjoy the connections I make at work because- they just get it!!
Working in technology allows the opportunity to meet people who understand the unique language we speak and have a passion for problem solving.
Whatever field you work in, you’ll really enjoy the fact that you can really get into the weeds with your coworkers. You’ll have the chance to have intellectual conversations you otherwise might not be able to have with other friend groups. (without seriously annoying them)
And hopefully you’re lucky enough to have a work bestie, work wife or work husband! Whew! These are the friends that become your co-conspirators – they got your back in the midst of work drama and are always down to cover you in a pinch.
They also have the knowledge and drive to accomplish anything with you.
You spend so much time at work in a year’s time that these friends have real potential to become lifelong friends.
Work friends are also those people you meet while pursuing passion projects.
We’re now over 2 years in and it’s been one the most rewarding friendships I’ve had in a while. She’s my introverted sister and welcomed me with open arms. The entire Women of PM team has been by rock for the past two years.
If you’re struggling with finding your tribe, figure out what your passions are and start pursuing relationships that puts you in the room with like minded people.
This is an essential adult friendship that every girl needs. These are the friends that will cook for you, clean for you, buy thoughtful gifts and pray with you.
They care for your overall wellbeing and will call just to ask if you’re okay; and their intuition is usually spot on.
Life can be so chaotic in adulthood so having a friend that can be your emotional support system (not to take the place of your therapist) is very important.
You can find these friendships in church, at volunteering events, or it could be completely random. I have a few friends like this and honestly, their presence in my life is so needed.
Ha! This is the type of adult friendship that trips people up. And I get why…it’s super risky and it’s not for everyone- but honestly, as an adult, this is definitely one of my other favorite types of friendships.
There are so many things in life to worry about including, family life, personal life, work life, fitness, and whatever else, that hell yesssss, hopefully we have friends that are available for our convenience! Don’t shoot-
I know for sure I’m there for convenience for at least 2 of my friends and I’m 1000% okay with it. I’m totally down to be there to make your life easier for the moment without the need of the awkward small talk / temperature check before the favor is asked.
The small talk is draining- just get to the point… I’m down to help in any way that I can.
But here’s the caveat… read carefully- It has to be a two-way street or things could go left fast lol. Be very careful with this type of friendship to avoid disagreements or imbalance. If you don’t have the personality for it, just avoid all together.
Final thoughts on an adult friendship
Although it takes a lot to find and maintain friendships as an adult, it’s so worth the effort. Having friends is such a special part of the human experience and can add so much joy and value to your life.