Let’s be honest: somewhere between our daily matcha runs and realizing that avocado toast really isn’t why we can’t afford a house, the script flipped. The thing that keeps millennial and Gen Z women up at night isn’t whether we’ll find “the one” or hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet. It’s whether our bank account can handle an emergency, if we’ll ever retire, and how we’re supposed to afford literally anything in this economy.
Our mothers feared being single and childless at 30. We fear being broke at 30.
Because here’s what nobody wants to say out loud: women over 30 today are more afraid of financial insecurity than they are of building a traditional family. We’re prioritizing degrees over dates, certifications over courtship, and our own space over sharing it with a partner and kids who might disturb our hard-earned peace. The cultural panic about “biological clocks” has been replaced with a very real panic about economic survival.
But is this a glow-up or are we collectively fumbling the bag on life? Let’s get into it.
The Great Reprioritization: Why Financial Security Became the New Marriage Goal
Here’s the deal: women aren’t rejecting partnership and family because we’re bitter or broken (okay, some of us are). We’re making calculated decisions based on what we see around us.
And what we see is that being broke is actually terrifying in ways that being single simply isn’t.
The Financial Independence Wake-Up Call
46% of women say financial independence is “very important” to their financial happiness; more than men at 39%.
We’re not just talking about wanting our own money. We’re talking about women recognizing that financial security is the foundation everything else is built on.
Fuck You Money: Why Every Woman Needs it and What it Represents – The Nerd Bae
Think about it:
Being single means:
- You control your time
- You control your space
- You control your decisions
- You have peace
Being broke means:
- You control nothing
- You can’t leave bad situations
- You can’t help your family
- You’re one emergency away from disaster
Meanwhile, what does being unmarried and childfree actually cost you? Your family’s disappointment? Society’s judgment?
Those are uncomfortable, sure. But they won’t leave you homeless.
Women Are Taking Control of Their Financial Future
The stats show we’re not waiting around for someone to “take care of us”:
- 59% of women in relationships have primary responsibility for household finances
- 51% of women manage their own investments
- 28% of young adults say financial freedom is their most important milestone; more than marriage and children combined
We’re literally redefining what “making it” looks like.
The Three Camps: How Modern Women Are Playing the Financial Security Game
Not all women approach this shift the same way. Let’s break down the strategies you’re probably seeing (or living):
Camp 1: The “Marry Up” Strategists
The Philosophy: If I’m going to partner up, it better make financial sense.
Yes, they exist.
These women looked at the data; women earn less, live longer, bear the career costs of motherhood; and said, “You know what? If I’m going to merge my life with someone, let’s make sure the math works.”
Shayla Rae Fitzgerald (@shaylaraeworld) • Instagram photos and videos
What they want:
- Partners who can provide financial stability (Even if they have their own bag)
- To truly live a soft life without ever having to worry about money
- An economic partnership that benefits them
The numbers: The average cost of raising a child to 18 is over $310,000 (not including college). Childcare costs more than college in many states. These women did the math and made their choice.
They’re not gold diggers. They’re financial pragmatists who understand that marriage can be an economic merger. Because it kind of is.
Asata Devo (@itsasatadevo) • Instagram photos and videos
Camp 2: The Dual-Income Dream Team
The Philosophy: Two incomes, two sets of hands, one shared life.
These women want marriage and children, but their vision looks different from their mothers’ generation. They’re not looking for a “provider”, they’re looking for a true partner.
What they want:
- Equal split of childcare and household labor
- Shared financial responsibilities
- A partner who sees parenting as a joint project, not “helping”
- Combined resources to make life more manageable
Finding that kind of partnership isn’t hard, but it takes real effort and alignment.
While these women have updated their expectations, a lot of men… haven’t. Which leads many women in this camp to stay single longer, waiting for the right person rather than settling for someone who’ll just add to their workload.
Because let’s be real: if you’re going to work full-time, manage a household, and raise kids anyway, why add another adult to take care of?
Camp 3: The “Secure My Own Bag” Collective
The Philosophy: Nothing. No companionship, kids, nor social approval… is worth sacrificing my autonomy.
This is the fastest-growing group, and they’re the ones reshaping the cultural conversation.
What they’re doing:
- Getting degrees and stacking certifications
- Opting out of having children to avoid emotional and financial responsibility
- Building businesses and investment portfolios
- Choosing their own space and peace
- Living life exactly how they want it
What they’ve decided: Financial security might mean skipping traditional milestones. And they’re okay with that.
Recent data shows that 47% of adults under 49 without kids don’t plan on having them. The top reason isn’t fertility issues or lack of a partner; it’s simply that they don’t want to.
These women have watched their mothers struggle in marriages, seen friends trapped by financial dependence, and chosen a different path. And many of them are thriving.
The Data Really Said What It Said: Why This Shift Makes Perfect Sense
Let’s talk numbers, because this isn’t just vibes; it’s measurable reality.
The Soft Life: Money Myths That Hold You Back – The Nerd Bae
Women Face Real Poverty Risk
The facts are sobering:
- Women are 35% more likely than men to be poor in America
- 48% of women in poverty live in extreme poverty
- Just over half of women ages 25+ don’t consider themselves financially secure
- Most women report feeling “worried” and “uncertain” about retirement
So when women say they fear being broke? We’re not being dramatic. We’re being realistic.
The Cost of Children Has Skyrocketed
Women aren’t rejecting motherhood. They’re rejecting poverty. Because with childcare costs, healthcare, education, and basic needs, having kids can be the thing that tips a family from “managing” to “drowning.”
Marriage Doesn’t Equal Financial Security Anymore
Plot twist: Many single millennial women and men won’t marry someone with debt. Finances have become a big part of a person’s attractiveness.
Let that sink in.
Both men and women aren’t seeing marriage as a path to financial security anymore; if anything, they see it as a potential liability.
What we’ve learned:
- Student loan debt destroys relationships
- Medical bills can bankrupt families overnight
- “For richer or poorer” can quickly become “his poor decisions are now my problem”
Women today are being more selective. Or opting out entirely.
But Here’s Where It Gets Uncomfortable: Are We Self-Sabotaging?
Okay, we’ve established that prioritizing financial security over traditional family structures makes logical sense.
But let’s sit with some harder questions for a minute. The ones that keep you up at night when the “secure your bag” posts stop feeling empowering.
Question 1: Is This Empowerment or are You Coping?
The uncomfortable truth: Are we choosing ourselves, or are we making the best of a system that’s failed us?
Some possibilities to consider:
- Genuine preference: You truly thrive solo and want this life
- Defense mechanism: You’re protecting yourself from a hostile dating market
- Practical adaptation: You want partnership but can’t find it or afford kids
- All of the above: It’s complicated and messy and real
Here’s what I know: some women are genuinely flourishing single and childfree. But others might be telling themselves they prefer it because the alternative… admitting they want partnership but can’t find it; or want kids but can’t afford them… feels too vulnerable.
And that’s okay to acknowledge.
Question 2: Are We Setting Ourselves Up for Loneliness Later in Life?
The question nobody wants to ask: What happens at 50? At 60? At 70?
Let’s break this down:
What financial security gives you:
- Independence
- Options
- Peace of mind
- The ability to help yourself
What it doesn’t give you:
- Someone who checks on you when you’re sick
- A person who remembers your stories
- Built-in community as you age
- Someone who cares if you wake up tomorrow
Studies consistently show that social isolation is as dangerous to health as smoking. And while “found family” and friendships are beautiful, the reality is that as we age, people get busy with their own families.
Money can buy a lot of things. But it can’t buy someone who genuinely cares.
Question 3: Is Financial Independence Becoming Its Own Prison?
Some women are so focused on securing their financial future that they’re sacrificing their present:
- Working 60-hour weeks
- Side-hustling into burnout
- Saying no to experiences because they’re “not in the budget”
- Choosing safety over every single risk
The real question: At what point does “financial security” become “working yourself to death to avoid a theoretical future problem”?
Are we so afraid of being broke that we’re forgetting to actually live?
Question 4: What If We’re Choosing Safety Over Connection?
Let’s be honest about what we’re protecting ourselves from:
Having your own space means:
- No one’s mess but your own
- Total control of your environment
- Peace and quiet when you want it
But it also means:
- No one to share small moments with
- No built-in support system
- Carrying everything alone
Easier isn’t always better. Are we choosing emotional safety at the expense of intimacy? Are we so afraid of being financially vulnerable that we’re becoming emotionally unavailable?
Some women have genuinely chosen this life and are flourishing. But others might be protecting themselves from hurt, disappointment, or dependence—and calling it empowerment.
And that’s worth examining.
What This Cultural Shift Really Tells Us
The fact that women fear poverty more than being single isn’t a personal failing. It’s an indictment of the systems we live in.
1. Women Are Adapting in a Challenging Economy
Let’s be real about what we’re navigating:
- Housing costs have skyrocketed, pushing us to get creative with our finances
- The traditional career path isn’t cutting it, so we’re learning new skills and diversifying income
- Student loans are heavy, but we’re strategizing repayment while building wealth
- Childcare expenses rival rent, making us intentional about our choices
Here’s what this means: Women aren’t victims of the economy; we’re becoming financial strategists because we have to be. And honestly we’re getting really good at it.
This shift has forced us to:
- Invest in ourselves through education and certifications
- Build multiple income streams instead of relying on one paycheck
- Become financially literate in ways previous generations weren’t
- Make intentional choices about what we can realistically afford
This isn’t about women being selfish or career-obsessed or anti-family. It’s about women being smart, strategic, and realistic about what it takes to build a secure life in today’s world.
2. Men Still Have to Catch Up to the New Reality
Some men still expect:
- A woman who works full-time
- Someone who manages the home
- A partner who raises the kids
- All while never complaining about doing it all
That’s not partnership. That’s hiring an unpaid employee.
Women are opting out because the deal isn’t good enough anymore.
The Bottom Line: Choose Your Life, Don’t Let Fear Choose It
Women over 30 fear being broke more than being single because being broke is actually scary in ways that being single simply isn’t. We’ve watched the data, lived the reality, and made our choices accordingly.
But we also need to be honest with ourselves:
- Are we choosing this life, or is this life choosing us?
- Are we empowered, or are we just surviving?
- Are we protecting ourselves, or are we closing ourselves off?
The answer is probably all of the above. And maybe that’s okay.
The Most Radical Choice
At the end of the day, the most radical thing a woman can do is build a life that works for her; whether that includes a partner and kids, or just her, her bag, and her peace.
Just make sure you’re choosing your life instead of letting your fears choose it for you.
Because there’s a difference between empowerment and self-preservation. And only you know which one you’re really doing.
Your Turn: Let’s Talk About It
I want to hear from all three camps:
- Are you Team Marry Up? Team Dual Income? Team Secure My Own Bag?
- Do you think we’re making empowered choices or just adapting to a broken system?
- Are you living your best life or protecting yourself from your worst fear?
Drop your thoughts in the comments. And be honest. This is a judgment-free zone.
The Cost of Raising a Child | Northwestern Mutual
Experiences of Adults Without Kids in the US | Pew Research Center
What do women want financially? | Empower
National-Snapshot-Poverty-Among-Women-Families-in-2023-FINAL.pdf
