Jealousy and envy often get lumped together, but let’s be clear, they’re not the same thing. Jealousy is the fear of losing something that belongs to you. Envy is about wanting something that someone else has. Understanding which emotion you’re dealing with is really the first step towards addressing it. There’s this clip of Oprah circulating the internet of her and her longtime friend, Gail. She was interviewing Brené Brown and talking about how jealousy cannot exist in friendship.
While I think she was referring to envy, I still 100% agree with her. It makes things super awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe you’ve dealt with jealousy towards a friend or maybe with a friend being jealous of you; either way, both are super cringe and should not exist.
5 Things that could trigger friendship jealousy:
A Friend’s Success
They’re out here getting promotions, starting businesses while you’re still figuring things out. It’s not that you’re not happy for them, but it can hit a little close to home.
New Friends or Relationships
Suddenly, they’ve got new people in their life, and you’re side-eyeing the whole situation like, “Wasn’t I enough?” It’s easy to feel like you’re being replaced.
Lifestyle Differences
Maybe they have the ability to splurge on luxury vacations while you’re just trying to make it through the week. The comparison game is strong. And dangerous.
Unequal Effort in the Friendship
When you’re the one initiating all the plans or checking in constantly, it can feel like you’re putting in all the work while they’re just along for the ride.
Your Own Insecurities
Let’s be real, sometimes it’s not about them at all. When you’re not feeling your best, their wins can feel like a reminder of everything you’re not doing (even if that’s not their intention).
All of these are valid reasons to feel jealousy in a friendship.
In this post, we’re breaking down both sides: how to deal when jealousy pops up in your own heart and what to do when a friend’s jealousy is aimed your way. The goal? Turning those awkward, messy feelings into moments of real growth.
Adult Friendship: Navigating Adulthood with 5 Types of Friends – The Nerd Bae
When You’re the Jealous Friend
Tip 1: Name the Feeling Honestly
Call it what it is—jealousy. Nine times out of ten, it’s just your insecurities putting on a disguise. Write it down, say it out loud, or vent to someone you trust. Getting it out helps you make sense of it.
Tip 2: Celebrate Your Friend’s Wins
This one might sting at first, but go out of your way to cheer them on. Hype them up like you’re their PR agent, even if your ego is side-eyeing you. The more you celebrate them, the less heavy that jealousy feels.
Tip 3: Invest in Your Own Journey
Instead of scrolling through their highlight reel, focus on your own glow-up. What’s one step you can take toward your goals? Put that energy into building your best life instead of comparing it to theirs.
Tip 4: Talk to Them (Carefully)
If you feel like it’ll strengthen your bond, be real about how you’re feeling—but frame it in a way that’s about you, not them. Try something like, “Your success made me realize I need to level up in my own life, and it’s motivating me.”
When Your Friend Is Jealous of You
Now this can definitely feel weird, but let’s not jump to conclusions. Not everyone who’s acting off is secretly jealous of you, sometimes, they’re just going through their own stuff and it’s not cute to assume. That said, here are some signs to look out for:
- Backhanded Compliments
- Unnecessary Competition
- Withdrawal or Cold Behavior
- Downplaying Your Achievements
Tip 1: Don’t Trip, and Don’t Dim Your Light
Listen, you didn’t work hard to dim your light for anyone. If your wins make them uncomfortable, that’s for them to unpack. Real friends want to see you winning and thriving. Period.
Tip 2: Try Your Best to Empathize
Being too quick to get upset and tell the world that your friend is jealous of you is not cute. Calm down and have some empathy. If this is truly your friend, try to understand what they may be feeling based on their circumstances. Most importantly, let your friend know that you love them and are there for them.
Tip 3: Set Boundaries When Needed
If their jealousy starts showing up as backhanded comments or toxic behavior, nip it in the bud immediately. You can be kind and still make it clear what’s not okay.
Tip 4: Reassure the Friendship
Sometimes jealousy comes from fear of being left behind or replaced. Remind them why they matter to you and that your success doesn’t mean there’s less room for them in your life. A little reassurance can work wonders.
Letting it go – Friendship Jealousy
Friendship jealousy is more common than we like to admit, but just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it should be ignored. Letting jealousy grow, on either side, can slowly chip away at your bond. Address it early, whether that means having a vulnerable conversation or creating some healthy distance.
The truth is, your friendships should inspire and uplift you. They should reflect the best parts of who you are or push you to become even better. Because birds of a feather really do flock together. Celebrate your friends loudly, both in person and publicly. And if that ever feels unnatural, or you notice your friends aren’t celebrating you the way you celebrate them, it’s probably time for a reality check. It’s just a moment of self-awareness and an opportunity to reevaluate your circle and if it still feels like a safe space.
Friendships thrive on mutual support and genuine happiness for one another, and when that’s missing, it’s okay to acknowledge it and adjust accordingly. Not every friendship is forever, and that’s perfectly fine. Sometimes, letting go creates space for the people who truly belong in your life.
