There’s a frequency some women operate on that’s unmistakable. It’s not loud, but you feel it when they walk into a room. It’s not aggressive, but it commands respect. It’s not performed… it simply is. This is fuck you energy, and it’s perhaps the most powerful currency a woman can possess in a society designed to keep her small, palatable, and perpetually seeking external validation.
If you’ve been here before, you might remember my thoughts on fuck you money… the financial freedom that allows you to walk away from anything that doesn’t serve you. But money is just one dimension of autonomy. Fuck you energy is the spiritual, psychological, and energetic foundation that makes fuck you money possible in the first place. It’s the internal alignment that says: I know who I am, I know what I’m worth, and I will not negotiate on my truth.
Fuck You Money: Why Every Woman Needs it and What it Represents – The Nerd Bae
This isn’t about being difficult. It’s not about burning bridges or refusing to collaborate or being so independent that you isolate yourself from meaningful connection. Fuck you energy is about radical self-possession… the kind of bone-deep knowing that comes only from doing the ongoing, unglamorous work of self-discovery. And here’s the gag: it’s not a destination. It’s a discipline.
WHAT IS FUCK YOU ENERGY?
Let me be clear about what fuck you energy is not:
• Being a heathen of a person
• Rejecting community, feedback, or growth
• Refusing to coexist with others
• Using authenticity as an excuse to be unkind or reckless
• Performed rebellion or aesthetic edginess
Fuck you energy is:
• Being so comfortable and content in yourself and your abilities that no matter what happens externally, you know who you are
• Understanding the divinity of what you are and where you come from
• Honoring yourself enough to speak up when necessary
• Being unafraid of showing up fully as yourself and letting people accept or reject you as you are
• Maintaining control over your own contentment, not outsourcing your peace to other people’s opinions or approval
This energy isn’t about what you do to others. It’s about what you refuse to do to yourself. It’s the refusal to shrink, to perform, to dim your light so others feel comfortable. It’s the decision to take up space, not because you’re entitled to it, but because you are it.
THE PHYSICS OF ALIGNMENT: WHY ENERGY ISN’T JUST WOO-WOO
Quantum mechanics tells us that at the subatomic level, everything… including you… is vibrating energy. Your thoughts, emotions, and states of being aren’t just abstract concepts… they have measurable electromagnetic frequencies. When you’re in a state of fear, doubt, or people-pleasing, you attract more of that. When you’re in a state of confidence, clarity, and alignment, you attract more of that. Simple.
Chapter 06: Energetic Communication | HeartMath Institute
This isn’t mystical… it’s measurable. The HeartMath Institute has documented how coherent emotional states (like appreciation, love, and confidence) create measurable changes in heart rate variability and can influence the electromagnetic field your body generates. You are, quite literally, broadcasting a signal into the world. The question is: what frequency are you operating on?
Resonance and Repulsion
In physics, the principle of resonance states that objects naturally vibrate at their own frequencies, and when exposed to a matching frequency, they amplify. This is why certain people drain you and others energize you. This is why some opportunities feel like alignment and others feel like friction. You’re not manifesting in some magical sense… you’re resonating with what matches your frequency and naturally repelling what doesn’t.
When you have fuck you energy, you’re operating at a frequency of self-possession. You attract people, opportunities, and circumstances that respect that frequency. You naturally repel those that don’t. Not to be confused with being closed off… it’s about being so clear in your signal that only what’s truly aligned can get through.
Coherence Creates Power
When your thoughts, emotions, and actions are in alignment… when what you say matches what you believe matches what you do… you create coherence. Coherence is power. Incoherence is static. Think about the women you know who talk about boundaries but never enforce them, who claim they know their worth but accept scraps, who say they’re done but keep going back. That’s static. That’s energetic noise.
Fuck you energy is coherence. It’s when every part of you is singing the same song. And that song? It’s yours alone.
Natalie Nunn: “I’m not your f**king role model” | The Zeze Millz Show
THE DIVINE FOUNDATION
Before we go any further, let’s anchor in this truth: you are a miracle. Not in the vague, Instagram-caption way, but in the literal, scientific, theological sense. The odds of you existing… right now, in this body, with this consciousness… are so infinitesimally small that your presence here is nothing short of divine orchestration.
God didn’t make a mistake during your creation. You have assignment. And that assignment requires you to show up as yourself, not as some watered-down, people-pleasing version that makes others comfortable.
This is the foundation of fuck you energy: the unshakeable knowing that you are blessed to even have this experience. That awareness alone should fuel your refusal to waste it performing for an audience that will never be satisfied. The fact that you exist… against astronomical odds… means you owe it to yourself, to God, to the universe, to show up fully.
When you really sit with the magnitude of your existence, shrinking becomes impossible. How could you make yourself smaller when you are the product of divine intention? How could you dim your light when you are made of the same energy that powers stars?
SELF-DISCOVERY AS DISCIPLINE: WHY FUCK YOU ENERGY ISN’T A ONE-TIME ACHIEVEMENT
You don’t arrive at fuck you energy. You build it, maintain it, and protect it through relentless, ongoing self-discovery. And self-discovery isn’t a weekend retreat or a journaling exercise you do once and call it good. It’s a practice. A discipline. A commitment to continually asking yourself: who am I really? What do I actually want? What am I accepting that I shouldn’t? Where am I performing instead of being?
Self-Awareness: The Non-Negotiable Foundation
You cannot have fuck you energy without self-awareness. Period. Self-awareness means knowing your patterns, your triggers, your wounds, your strengths, your values, your desires. It means being willing to look at yourself honestly… not through the lens of who you wish you were or who others want you to be, but through the lens of what actually is.
This requires:
• Therapy, coaching, or some form of guided introspection
• Regular check-ins with yourself (weekly, monthly, quarterly)
• Willingness to sit with discomfort instead of numbing, avoiding, or performing
• Feedback from trusted people who will tell you the truth, not what you want to hear
• Journaling or other practices that create space for honest self-reflection
It’s about being honest. And that honesty is what allows you to stand firm in who you are, because you actually know who that is.
THE RIHANNA BLUEPRINT
Let’s talk about Rihanna, because she is the cultural blueprint for fuck you energy. IYKYK
Rihanna doesn’t perform authenticity… she embodies it. She built a billion-dollar beauty empire by refusing to accept the industry’s narrow definition of beauty and inclusivity. She became a billionaire not by chasing trends, but by staying true to her vision. She started a family on her terms, showing up pregnant at the Super Bowl not despite her motherhood but in celebration of it.
She sets boundaries with the industry… famously taking years between albums because she refuses to be rushed or reduced to just one dimension of her talent.
I’m waiting patiently (not) for the next album and hoping it’s a full reggae album. I won’t hold my breath though.
But here’s what makes her the embodiment of fuck you energy: she’s not performing rebellion. She’s not trying to prove anything. She’s simply living in alignment with who she is, what she values, and what brings her joy. Rihanna welcomes what aligns and releases what doesn’t. She builds meaningful relationships and collaborations because she’s secure enough in herself to connect authentically. She’s not isolated in her power… she’s expansive in it.
That’s the model: know yourself so deeply that you can move through the world without apology, but also without arrogance. Be so rooted that you can be generous without losing yourself. Be so clear in your values that opportunities either align or they don’t, and you’re unbothered either way.
BUILDING YOUR OWN FUCK YOU ENERGY: THE PRACTICAL STEPS
So how do you actually cultivate this? Here’s the roadmap:
1. Commit to Radical Self-Honesty
Start by telling yourself the truth. Where are you performing? Where are you settling? Where are you betraying yourself to keep the peace? Write it down. Sit with it. Stop running from the discomfort of seeing yourself clearly.
2. Define Your Non-Negotiables
What are your core values? What are you unwilling to compromise on? Get specific. These become your anchors when everything else is shifting.
3. Cultivate Your Own Approval
Stop outsourcing your sense of worth to other people. Build a practice of self-acknowledgement. Celebrate your wins. Acknowledge your growth. Become the primary source of your own validation.
4. Build Your Fuck You Money
Yes, we’re circling back to this. Because while fuck you energy is the foundation, fuck you money is the structure that protects it. Financial independence gives you options. Options give you power. Power allows you to walk away from anything that disrespects you. Start building now.
5. Protect Your Energy Like It’s Sacred
Because it is. Be ruthless about what you consume, who you spend time with, what you allow into your space. Your energy is your most valuable resource. Guard it.
6. Remember Your Divinity
When you forget who you are, come back to this: you are a miracle. Your existence is evidence of divine intention. You are here on purpose, for a purpose. That alone should anchor your fuck you energy. That’s my north star. You are blessed to have this experience… honor it by showing up fully, without apology, without shrinking.
